“Love recognizes No barriers.
It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls
To arrive at its destination full of hope”
-Dr. Maya Angelo
Absolutely devastated, is the best adjective I can give for how I felt when my marriage failed, followed by an unpleasant divorce proceeding. I was 25 years old with two children and one more on the way. Every emotion pelted me. Sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness and even shame. Then came the disgust, anger, bitterness and so on.
On my journey as a single parent I faced multiple challenges, dating dilemmas, financial strain, etc. People attempted to encourage me but often it would have been great if they had stood on their lips by remaining silent. Of course they meant well, but if they hadn’t experienced divorce and all the dilemmas that ride alongside it, sometimes they better served me best by just being physically supportive.
Surprisingly, after a 14 year divorce, I remarried my ex-husband.
Just so we are clear, I had no burning desire to reconnect with my ex-spouse. In fact when the opportunity presented itself I turned it down and replied, never!
The question often raised to us now is;
How were we able to make amends and reunite ourselves and our family?
First, we made a decision to forgive one another. Yes, that funky little “f-word” we all tend to steer clear of, but we realized we can’t enjoy our future if we are dredging up the past.
Faith– We laid fear aside and decided to apply faith and trust God.
Work– We committed to bring our best self to the table.
Counsel– We sought marital counseling as well as individual counseling. The individual counsel helped shape us to be a better mate and the marital assisted in us being a stronger unit.
Learned– We remembered our past mistakes with one another as well as the bumps and bruises we experienced in other relationships, that helped lead us back to one another.
Whether choosing to stay married, separate, divorce or even remarry, it is up to only two people, you and your mate. Other peoples’ opinions shouldn’t hold water on such a life changing decision.
So is reconciliation possible after the divorce?
If the two are committed to going through the process and putting in the work. Reconciliation can be a blessing and not feel like a curse.
We are in our 8th year of being, happily remarried. I can honestly say this time around, our love and appreciation towards one another is so much sweeter.
I’m glad we listened, matured and we gave “us” another try.